Joel Stein, Jason Bateman, Damon Lindelof Extra Pitch 2023 as Film – The Hollywood Reporter


So it is a two-hander, buddy comedy, type of King of Comedy meets The Odd Couple — nevertheless it’s in 3D, as all films are actually Avatar: The Method of Water made you neglect that it does not work for nothing however Avatars.

We open with a crane shot on a crowded theme park. From behind, we see a person ready in a protracted line along with his 4 grandchildren, depressing as a result of his Disney Genie+ card is stamped “inactive.” We near see that it’s former Disney CEO Bob Chapek (pictured Dwayne Johnson). Whereas a Mickey Mouse solid member poses along with his grandchildren, stew Chapek seems to be away. His eyes mild up on a poster of Steamboat Willie. And, for the primary time, we see him smile. In 3D!

Chapek drops off his grandchildren after which speeds via city, chopping exhausting turns round detours as a result of all of the streets are blocked off for the seven totally different films being made in regards to the FTX scandal, all starring Jonah Hill.

Later, Chapek runs on the It Chapter 3 a set the place a person makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, stacking them on a desk. We see that it’s Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav (Rick Moranis return function) working at skilled companies to make sure director Andy Muschietti brings the movie in lower than $10 million. He additionally crosses out all of the script pages in regards to the child out to avenge his murdered pet, given all the thrill Dave Chappelle has generated for. SNL along with his opening monologue defending dogfighting.

Chapek tells Zaslav that at midnight on December 31, the copyright on Mickey Mouse ends. And he has a plan for revenge towards Bob Iger. It is a film known as Mickey Mouse: Rage of Rodents.

They comply with make the movie. Downside is, they want a star. One which, Zaslav insists, works for $35 an hour.

We lower to the 2023 Oscar ceremony, the place the Academy’s new president (and proprietor), Elon Musk, is presenting all of the awards. When he introduced Will Smith as greatest actor, Smith – who was banned, then unbanned, then faraway from the ceremony – as an alternative despatched a hologram of Chris Rock to simply accept the award on his behalf. In 3D! (Rock decides to not sue.)

Chapek races to the Turo Bar, the place Smith is giving a welcome speech to drunken vacationers. Chapek tries to speak Smith right into a starring function Mickey Mouse: Rage of Rodentshowever Smith passes, fearing to anger Iger.

Chapek leaves the restaurant, the place he then spots Ezra Miller – who has been banned from all eating places – criticizing the doorman. Chapek presents Miller a component like a serial killer in Rage of Rodents, to assist tone down Miller’s picture. They drive to Zaslav’s home.

As the 2 executives work with Miller on his function, the producers obtain a information alert. Kim Jong Un issued a press release praising the outcomes of the WGA vote: 114 % of the members conform to strike. They usually acquired the DGA and SAG-AFTRA to hitch. Miller is gone.

Worse but, their advertising and marketing plan for the movie falls aside when it takes the networks six months to comprehend that Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers have all retired from their jobs. Contract negotiations are holding up their replacements, which is troublesome as a result of they’re all being changed by Kevin Hart, who is barely accessible throughout meal breaks. And there is not any manner Zaslav pays the type of promoting charges he instructions She is Wonderful Product of Plasticthe nation’s #1 podcast, wherein the unique solid returns Little Marvel.

Then, in a montage that may be a tribute to the Judy Garland-Mickey Rooney movies, Zaslav and Chapek make the movie themselves. And it’s a success! Rage of Rodents brings in $7 million, making it the number one, non-Avatar theatrical launch of the yr. Sadly, folks love vengeful Mickey a lot that he turns into the brand new child Yoda – however since Mickey Mouse is now within the public area, everybody can use Chapek’s hit track nonetheless they need. Iger catches on to that and begins merch-ing. Disney shares rise 30 % bringing boys to the theme parks with Rage of Rodents rides and promoting plastic as-used-by-Mickey scimitars. Who cuts us in 3D!

Iger, pondering that Chapek is a genius, brings him into his workplace to rent him again as his successor. Till Iger will get an alarm on his cellphone. We lower to Iger’s iPhone, which is exhibiting a ballot exhibiting Biden trailing by 15 factors to Ron DeSantis.

Illustration by Zohar Lazar

Loglines Of Your Future

THR requested creators to shortly provide you with an concept for a film set within the not-too-distant trade (the truth that they’re all so dystopian wasn’t a part of the task…nevertheless it’s telling)

Damon Lindelof

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Damon Lindelof

Author-producer (Watchmen, The Leftovers)

A actuality present that may be a combine The White Lotus (as a result of it’s self-aware) and love island (as a result of intercourse) the place all of the leisure CEOs get drunk and flirt with one another till all of them hook up and mate into new mega-conglomerates like DisFlix and AppleCast.

Patton Oswalt

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Patton Oswalt

Actor-comedian

A Physician Strangelove-style restricted sequence a couple of collapsed streamer who declares a “reboot” of a franchise that by no means existed and makes use of current social media (Twitter, YouTube, Insta) to start out planting “clips” of the franchise (supernatural horror action-comedy) in. the mass thoughts, making a generic “false reminiscence” of this beloved property earlier than unveiling its shiny new reboot. Downside is, they do such a superb job of “meme-ing” this false reminiscence into folks’s brains that it triggers an enormous Mandela Impact, and American society begins to really doubt latest historical past, resulting in an apocalyptic disaster.

Aisha Tyler

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Aisha Tyler

Actress-comedian-director

On this absurdist sci-fi buddy romp, the web personalities of Kanye West and Elon Musk merge right into a self-respecting self-aware Skynet, however their shameful fantasies of world domination are spectacularly thwarted when a extra highly effective AI entity with the consciousness of Ali Wong blocks them. Raya.

Jason Bateman

Jamie McCarthy/Wireimage

Jason Bateman

Actor-director-podcaster

On this Pink Daybreak meets Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Child buddy comedy, the expertise guilds unite in a strike for higher charges in newly exploding VR and Bryan Lourd and Ari Emanuel fly to the Solar Valley convention for some high-level shit-talking at their Massive Tech counterparts.

Michael Green

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Michael Inexperienced

Author (Loss of life on the Nile, Blade Runner 2049)

On this fish-out-of-water comedy titled Come From Atlaya small farm city in Colorado immediately turns into house to Hollywood’s most eccentric personalities after each single manufacturing leaves Georgia as a consequence of its unsafe reproductive well being legal guidelines.

Marvin Lemus

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Marvin Lemus

Director Presenter (Gentefied)

A Mad Max meets Hellraiser dystopian sci-fi the place Elon Musk buys Netflix as a result of they canceled wednesday after its second season. Elon then inexperienced lights at least 24 scripts and documentary sequence explaining how the demise of Twitter was not his fault.

Samantha Irby

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Samantha Irby

Comic Author (And So)

Loggers meets Earlier than Dawn meets Robin Hood: Males in Tights. A duo about some IT nerds who could or could not fall in love as they rescue all of the beloved exhibits which were unceremoniously plugged by streaming companies and burn them to DVDs earlier than dropping them into random folks’s mailboxes beneath the duvet of. night time Clearly, the pinnacle honchos on the networks wish to hunt them down and break their fingers. Will they be caught earlier than they’ve the possibility to bone on a pile of discarded episodes of Westworld??? Should watch to search out out!

Rodney Rothman

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Rodney Rothman

Author (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse)

On this suspense known as thriller Untitled Tax Exemptionfilm star (Mark Wahlberg) has 119 minutes for MrBeast to conform to co-star with him or his new boss will cancel the discharge of Untitled Tax Exemption.

This story first appeared within the Dec. 16 difficulty of The Hollywood Reporter journal. Click on right here to subscribe.





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