Dear Amy: I live with my boyfriend and our cat, and I’m really happy.
We are getting married at Disneyland next year! I have everything I ever wanted for my dream wedding, including riding in Cinderella’s crystal coach.
My mom and I made a plan to go wedding dress shopping together. I even invited my future mother to come with us. My boyfriend has no sisters, and his mother always wanted a daughter. She and I are really close.
The problem is that a friend of mine is really offended. He says he’s upset that I didn’t ask him to come with me on this dress shopping excursion, but that I chose to include my boyfriend’s mother.
He said that it is usually a wedding party of close friends, or just the bride and the mother of the bride who go to buy a dress.
I plan to go ahead with my plan to include the two most special women in my life. But I wonder, am I wrong?
Dear Bride: In researching your question, I have now perused numerous pictures of Disneyland brides riding in Cinderella’s crystal coach (which is pulled by four white ponies and driven by a driver and two footmen).
In a world plagued by challenges, conflicts, and deferred dreams, I am truly happy to report that…this kind of “fairy” marriage is a thing! The Cinderella dream is alive, well and available – for a price – in Anaheim, California (and other places).
Regarding your question, it is a true fact that – even though Cinderella had a fairy godmother who did her dress shopping for her – every bride or groom has the right to include everyone they want when shopping for their wedding dresses.
Sometimes this involves friends, wedding planners, family members or future in-laws. And, yes, I give you permission to exclude this pushy friend.
(When I got married, I only had a flock of blue birds to help me dress).
Your friend is wrong, you are right, and I hope you have the fairytale wedding of your dreams.
Dear Amy: I am currently in an empty marriage. I want a divorce.
We have been a couple for 29 years and have been married for 11 years.
I was a fool, but I didn’t realize it until we were finally married and had our son.
I have been very unhappy for about five years, but even before that my unhappiness was building.
Now, I am attracted to someone else and I want to leave the marriage. I am determined to leave.
Meanwhile, should I reveal how I feel to this person I’m attracted to?
I think he feels the same way about me, but it stops because I’m still married.
I told him that I am not happy and that my husband and I sleep in separate rooms. But the bottom line is that I’m still married.
What do you think I should do?
Sad and depressed
Dear Sad: You stated that you are leaving your relationship for a very long time, and yet the question you are asking is really about embarking on a new relationship.
People often leave an already unhappy relationship only when someone else comes along, giving them the emotional incentive to leave. It’s easier to let go when you believe you’re moving toward something positive that feels life-affirming and exciting.
You should also ask yourself: If this other man does not reciprocate your feelings, would you choose to stay in your marriage? Are you willing and able to go it alone?
You have already telegraphed your displeasure to this other man, including him in some intimate details of your marriage.
The ethical thing to do (which is also the right thing) is to separate your motivations for leaving, and to deal with your marriage – and especially the well-being of your child – before entangling emotionally with another person.
Dear Readers: Have you ever had your question posted in the “Ask Amy” column? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Did you accept or reject my advice? Has the problem you wrote ever been solved?
As part of our ongoing conversation about human behavior and its consequences, I’d like to learn how things went for you.
Please get in touch! Email me at email@example.com; write UPDATE in the subject, and tell me your story.
I welcome the opportunity to get back in touch.
You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.