NFC Hierarchy/Obituary: Week 5 edition


Week 4 of the NFL season is in the books, and the Philadelphia Eagles are the only remaining undefeated team. With so much mediocrity in the NFC so far this season, we still don’t have any obituaries. Coming soon. Let’s get to the Hierarchy.

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16) Panthers (1-3): It’s probably pretty safe to knock this team out, but they’re only one game back in the NFC South, so we’ll be careful for another week. Until then, the following stats seem bad:

Last week: 15

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15) commanders (1-3): We could very easily bash Carson Wentz for his awful play the past few weeks, but I don’t think the stupid idiot Commanders as an organization are getting enough heat for the resources they have coughed to catch it:

  1. 2022 third round pick.
  2. A 2023 third-round pick that can become a second-round pick if Wentz hits fairly attainable playing time benchmarks, as long as he doesn’t get benched.
  3. Colts and Commanders swapped 2022 second-round picks (Colts moved from 47 to 42)

The Commanders also took full ownership of Wentz’s salary, and in fact, he has the NFL’s sixth-highest salary among quarterbacks in 2022 (not average annual salary, to be clear), at $28,295,118.

It’s a trade that was ridiculously stupid at the time, and has proven to be even worse after the first month of the season.

If he continues to play the way he has the last two weeks, Wentz will be benched at some point soon (a) so the Commanders don’t have to give up their 2023 second-round pick, (b) so he doesn’t have to play in Philly Week 10, and (c) you know, because it sucks.

Calls for Wentz’s bench have already started, among other things. Taylor Heinicke is 29 years old, and Commanders fans already know he has a rag-tag arm and no ceiling at all. And they’re like, “Yeah, we’d rather watch it.”

Will Carson Wentz play Week 10 in Philly?

Last week: 14

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14) Bears (2-2): Congratulations to Justin Fields, who caught more passes against the Giants (11) and threw for more yards (174) than in any game so far this season. 🍾

I find it very funny that this was one of his endings:

Play-by-play on:

(0:03 – 4th) (Shotgun) J.Fields pass short right to T.Ebner to the CHI 35 for 2 yards. Lateral from E.St. Brown to the CHI 44 for 9 yards. FUMBLES, touched at the CHI 44, found by CHI-J.Fields at the CHI 39. J.Fields to the CHI 36 for -3 yards. Lateral from E.St. Brown to the CHI 44 for 8 yards. Lateral from T.Ebner to NYG 44 for 12 yards (J.Ward). FUMBLES (J.Ward), recovered by CHI-L.Patrick at NYG 46. L.Patrick at CHI 48 for -6 yards. Lateral from J.Fields to the CHI 49 for 1 yard. Lateral from T.Jenkins to CHI 46 for -3 yards (T.Crowder). FUMBLES (T.Crowder), touched at CHI 45, found by CHI-T.Ebner at CHI 41. T.Ebner at CHI 32 for -9 yards. FUMBLES, touched at CHI 32, RECOVERED by NYG-D.Belton at CHI 28.

Last week: 12

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13) Lions (1-3): The Lions still can’t win games, but at least they’re fun to watch now. They have the NFL’s No. 1 offense (in both yards and points), and the No. 32 defense (again, in both yards and points).

In the Lions’ games this season, a total of 281 points were scored, or 70.3 per game. The next closest team in total points scored and allowed is the Chiefs, with 225 (56.3 per game). The Lions are scoring two more touchdowns per game than any other team in the NFL.

Last week: 8

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12) Saints (1-3): The Saints have the NFL’s worst turnover margin at -7. They also lead the league in giveaways, with 11. You know what the Saints didn’t do under Sean Payton? Turn the ball. Payton’s last five years in New Orleans:

  1. 2021: +7
  2. 2020: +9
  3. 2019: +15
  4. 2018: +8
  5. 2017: +7

Out of curiosity, I looked at how different Dennis Allen’s turnovers were when he was the Raiders’ head coach a decade ago:

  1. 2012: -7
  2. 2013: -9
  3. 2014: -15 (They were -4 when Allen was fired after Week 4.)

The Saints also have an NFL-worst 319 penalty yards against them, and have a total of 3 points in the first quarter. This team is a mess.

A head coach is a big deal in the NFL, and it always seemed silly when people shrugged off the loss of Payton, as if there wouldn’t be any serious consequences.

Last week: 9

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11) Seahawks (2-2): An early contender for NFL Tweet of the Year:

Poop is funny. #Analysis

Last week: 16

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10) Falcons (2-2): I can’t think of anything to write about the Falcons, so here are my bird team rankings:

  1. Eagles
  2. Ravens
  3. Cardinals
  4. Falcons
  5. Seahawks

Last week: 13

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9) Cardinals (2-2): The Cardinals have been outscored 31-0 in the first quarter of games this season.

Last week: 11

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8) Giants (3-1): The Giants’ super easy stretch of the schedule is over, and good for them for taking advantage of it by winning three of their first four games. Their games are about to get a hell of a lot harder now, and they have a lot of traveling in their future.

  1. Week 5: At Packers (in London)
  2. Week 6: Ravens
  3. Week 7: At Jaguars
  4. Week 8: At Seahawks

By my estimation, the Giants will fly 13,378 miles over the next four weeks.

Last week: 10

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7) Rams (2-2): Matthew Stafford threw 7 INTs, the most in the NFL, and was sacked 16 times, tied for second most in the NFL. The Rams offensive line is really busted, buuuuuut… it doesn’t look good.

Last week: 4

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6) 49ers (2-2): The Niners are becoming a DC-to-HC factory. Vic Fangio, Robert Saleh and soon DeMeco Ryans.

Last week: 6

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5) Cowboys (3-1): The Cowboys defense was very good through the first four games of the season and as such, by law, their fans must be fed exaggerated delusions of grandeur.

Last week: 7

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4) Vikings (3-1): Credit where credit is due – Kirk Cousins ​​threw a beauty to knock off the Saints on Sunday.

On a side note, what the hell are the Saints doing covering Justin Jefferson man-to-man with no safety help on the line?

Last week: 5

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3) Buccaneers (2-2): I guess this wasn’t the Bucs game plan against the Chiefs on Sunday night:

100422BucsRushing

Last week: 3

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2) Packers (3-1): I’d say you should just stick the Packers at 6-1 with the Giants, Jets and Commanders on their schedule over the next three weeks, but they almost lost to a bad Patri*ts team defended by Brian Hoyer and Bailey Zappe.

Last week: 2

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1) Eagles (4-0): The Eagles have the second-leading rushing offense in the NFL. They have the third-ranked defense. Hmm, I wonder if that means they have a pretty good difference in meters.

The team Yards Gained Yards allowed Differential in yards
Eagles 1742 1109 +633
49ers 1298 938 +360
Packers 1510 1179 +331
Saints 1457 1313 +144
Cardinals 1398 1371 +27
Cowboys 1251 1234 +17
Giants 1328 1329 -1
Buccaneers 1268 1284 -16
Lions 1747 1779 -32
Falcons 1396 1545 -149
Commanders 1323 1487 -164
Rams 1176 1366 -190
Vikings 1376 1578 -202
Seahawks 1444 1712 -268
Bears 1099 1407 -308
Panthers 1049 1384 -335

Checkout. ✔️

Last week: 1


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